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I don’t know if anyone else ever goes through that period of “What the hell am I doing here?!” right after they make or experience major change…but that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.  To sum it up, the past 14 months have lead to job changes for both me and Hubby, the sale of our house, a move to another state where we don’t know anyone (putting us further away from family and friends than ever before), and me being pregnant with our first child.  And it’s taking its toll…at one of my last doctor’s appointments, I cried uncontrollably the entire time, just because I felt so overwhelmed with all the changes (especially the pregnancy) and had no support outside of my husband, who needed his own.  The nurse handled it ok, but the doctor asked if I wanted antidepressants.  No!  I just want a friend!  Why did I have to get pregnant AFTER we left all our friends?

So, I decided to take a break from my pity party to do some actual reflection.  I came across two songs that said it all (don’t you love when that happens?).  The first is Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves, which draws a great parallel between how I’ve been feeling and how the Israelites felt when they were going through the desert in their escape from Egypt.

The other song is If You Want Me To by Ginny Owens.  I’ve stopped feeling sorry for myself and accepted that God knows things that I have no way of understanding.  There’s a reason for everything.

I also remembered that I went through a similar phase when I moved to our previous state.  I left everything I knew and was in a place where I didn’t know anyone.  I spent 2 or 3 years openly expressing how much I didn’t like it there and my home state was so much better.  But eventually, I found a purpose, along with many great friends, and now I really miss that place.  God was faithful, and He will be again now and forever.

Isaiah 49:1-13

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So, there’s this blog called The Daybook that does a feature called “Awkward and Awesome Thursdays.”  Several other people have joined in the fun, and I find their posts quite entertaining!  I’m gonna give it a shot, but I’m just going to sum up the month of April so far (events will be listed in the order I remember them, not chronologically…let’s not put too much pressure on a brain that I have to share with a growing baby).  For the record, today is Thursday. 🙂

Awkward

– Filing taxes on your own, well technically with the Hubby, during the tax year when all the experts are saying this was the most confusing year for tax laws.  (For the record, interpreting your real estate documents to figure out what you owe on your tax credit will probably make you want to shoot someone/something.  Just sayin’…)

– Sweating in April.  Southerners call 82 degrees “a nice Spring day,” but the land I hail from just got 3 inches of snow, and despite complaints of annoyance, nobody there thought that was strange.  So yes, sweating in April is awkward for me.

– Planning a trip to visit said home state in a few weeks and realizing that most of the clothes that fit my growing frame are summer clothes…hmm…

– Even though I am the one that is pregnant, due to circumstances beyond our control (like tendonitis and allergies), Hubby has had more doctors appointments than I have! 

– Not being able to open any windows because of Hubby’s allergies to all things Nature.

– Feeling pregnant without looking very pregnant.  I can’t keep more than one thought straight in my head, and I get tired a heck of a lot quicker than I used to, but unless I pointed out the ultrasound picture on our refrigerator, you’d probably just think I had too much to eat for lunch.  Which I probably did.  But whatever…

– Trying to compensate my forgetful, pregnancy-hormone-filled brain by putting reminders in the calendar on my phone…but forgetting to set the alarms so that I would actually be reminded…doh!

– Having the neighbor who never speaks to anyone shouting and banging on your door at 7:00 a.m. to ask you for a jump or jumper cables because she left her headlights on all night and her battery died.

– Continuing to be ignored by the neighbor whose car you jumped at 7:00 a.m.

– The overflowing baskets of clean laundry that I have yet to fold.  No really, that’s clean…it’s just…a little wrinkley…  I am so in trouble when this baby comes…

Awesome

– Despite the frustrations with taxes themselves, TurboTax is pretty awesome.  I would recommend them.

– Being surprised by Hubby with a trip to home state to visit my family.  I heart him!  A lot! 😉

– Getting a part-time, at-home job that allows me freedom to run errands, clean house and cook dinner during the day, leaving my evenings free to hang out with Hubby.

– Making new friends through our new small group from church.  We all seem to like each other, which is awesome.

– Having a neighbor (different than the awkward one) who refers to me as “Little Mama” and habitually brings us desserts. 🙂  Miss Pruney is awesome.

– My new-found LOVE for raw fruits and veggies.  So far, this baby has pretty good taste in cravings (no pun intended).

– Getting ready to plant a veggie garden next week! 🙂

– Getting our second dog spayed, which means I will only have to change one little being’s diapers from now on, and it will be a human being.  (Seriously, dogs in heat are awk. ward.)

– Exercising my dogs by blowing bubbles for them in the backyard.  They do all the running, I do all the laughing.  Totally.  Awesome. 🙂

– Looking forward to the 5 year anniversary with Hubby.  Again, I heart him.  He’s my best friend, my hero, and my dearest love.  And he’s planning a big surprise for that day.  Surprises are awesome. 🙂

– Also looking forward to finding out whether this baby is gonna be a boy or a girl.  No, I don’t have any instinct about it.  I just want him/her to be healthy!  Again, surprises are awesome. 🙂

There you have it – my awkward and awesome life so far this month!  Good stuff. 🙂

Don’t forget, this post is brought to you by The Daybook.

I once read a post on a friend’s blog – My Interior By Design – that went like this:

1. Healthy things grow.

2. Growing things change.

3. Changing things challenge us.

4. Challenge forces us to trust.

5. Trust leads to obedience.

6. Obedience makes us healthy.

7. Healthy things grow.

Change.  It can be so difficult.  It can be so good.  It can be a pain in the butt!  Changes have really hit me as I adjust to life in a new state (and yes, sometimes I walk around during my day with the David Bowie song, “Changes”, stuck in my head).  For example, in the state of Georgia, you get your driver’s license from the Department of Driver Services (or DDS), but then you go across town to a totally different office run by the county to get your car’s plates.  Never had to do that before, and the idea sounded awful – two different offices to complete a task that I used to be able to take care at one?! Come. On.  Well, it turned out to be a rather painless and efficient system, because it took all of 20 minutes for both my husband and I to get our car tags, so…yay! 🙂

Another thing I’ve been adjusting to is not knowing anyone around here.  Well, I’ve got my neighbor, who’s been really nice, but she’s much older than me, so we probably would run out of things to talk about if we ever found a place we both wanted to hang out.  I really drive myself crazy at church or Starbucks, which are both places I used to go and see friendly faces.  Oh, well, the faces are friendly enough around here, too, but none of them are familiar.  That doesn’t stop my from scanning every face, trying to find someone familiar!  Still haven’t found one.  😦

It’s hard to think back and remember that only 5 years ago, I was in the same situation in Virginia.  I had just moved from the Midwest, where I was born and raised.  Friendly strangers, low humidity, and cold weather were all I had known!  Needless to say, moving to the East Coast/South, living 20 minutes from the ocean was quite a culture shock!  I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t have a job, and I didn’t have a clue where to start!  Fast forward half a decade, and as we packed up all our earthly belongings (besides the ones that are still being stored in my parent’s basement), we said several teary goodbyes to people who had become close friends.  People who I had never known existed a few years before are now some of the dearest people to me. 

And now, I look forward to living that all over again, even though I have no idea what the process will look like, and it probably won’t be all that fun sometimes, but one day, I will be able to look at my life and smile at all the wonderful people who have come into it at different times, in different places, and made it so much more special.

So here’s to growth, change, challenge, trust, and obedience!