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I wonder if other moms compare themselves like I do. I compare myself to other moms, but even more harshly, I compare current self to my pre-baby self.

I forget more things now. Before I had a baby, I was a fantastic multitasker…I could answer phones, send emails, file paperwork, and mail merge labels all at the same time. Now, I can soothe a crying baby, get him buckled in his car seat, and…realize that I forgot my purse in the house.

I don’t accomplish as much as I used to. I used to write out my lists – things to do, what I need at which stores – and cross them all out. Now, I start cooking dinner…and ask Hubby to take over so I can feed the baby. I start folding laundry…and then I leave it piled on the couch because the baby needs to be changed.

I also get distracted more easily. I start getting dressed in the morning, then remember I have to pack my lunch, then I have to get the baby dressed… By time I’m ready to leave the house, I realize I’m still in my pajama pants or forgot to put on deodorant.

And of course, I feel as though I’m the only one going through this. I’m the only one who’s trying to balance being a mom and a wife, who’s trying to work and take care of the house, whose hair hasn’t been washed in days, or who feels like everyone else is doing this better than me.

Thankfully, I have friends who are moms and are not afraid of being real and honest about life. Talking about and doing life with them has taught me two things:

  1. I can’t expect my life to be the same as it was before Baby Boy was born. Things have changed. Forever. That’s just life, and it’s ok.
  2. All that stuff I’ve been venting about? Welcome to motherhood. It’s tough and it’s messy and it requires grace.

So, I want to officially put this out there for those of you who are living in the mindset that everyone else has it all together: they don’t!

You are not the only one hiding baskets of laundry behind the closed door of the guest room. You are not the only one desperately vacuuming five minutes before company is due at your house. You are not the only one with piles of mail and papers that you don’t have time or energy to go through. You are not the only one whose bathroom faucet is splattered with toothpaste or floor is covered in your hair (especially if you’re experiencing postpartum shedding).

You’re not the only one.

I’m not saying this is a free pass to give up. I just want to encourage you, as you fight for breaths in between nap times, to not give up. If you’re doing the best you can, no one can ask any more of you than that.

So cut yourself a big slice of slack and top it with a heaping scoop of grace – it goes well with coffee.

Since we first found out that I am pregnant, Hubby and I have agreed to when and how the two extra bedrooms in our house need to be re-arranged.  Currently, we have a guest room and an office/man-cave/extra guest room (it’s basically where the office “stuff”, Hubby’s man “stuff” and the futon are kept).  So, The Plan has always been as follows:

I, as Project Manager, will take on, as a summer project, the re-arrangement of the Guest Room and Office/Man-Cave/Extra Guest Room in order to create a New Guest Room and Baby Room by executing the following tasks:

  • Complete all backed-up filing that has accumulated since we sold our house (before we moved here…in November).
  • Purge all office “stuff” and divide into categories of “trash”, “sell”, “keep”, and “storage”.
  • Sell all office furniture.
  • Separate baby “stuff” from guest room “stuff”
  • Notify Hubby when he is to move all guest room furniture into now-empty office/man-cave.
  • Arrange and organize new guest room.
  • Clean now-empty old guest room and set up/organize baby “stuff”.

It sounded like a pretty clear-cut plan when we verbalized it 6 months ago…but now, I’m looking at these rooms…

Man Cave/Office/Extra Guest Room to be emptied.

Guest Room, full of baby "stuff"

Ummmm….GULP!  (The office/man cave picture doesn’t do it complete justice – there is an entire bookshelf, a wall and a half of pictures/decor, and a full-to-the-brim closet that are not shown here.)  So…if you don’t hear from me for a few days, you might want to send a search party, because I’ll probably be buried somewhere under a landslide in one of these two rooms!  Maybe I should tie a safety rope around my waist before I start…then again, it’s probably somewhere in the office/man cave…

I don’t know if anyone else ever goes through that period of “What the hell am I doing here?!” right after they make or experience major change…but that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.  To sum it up, the past 14 months have lead to job changes for both me and Hubby, the sale of our house, a move to another state where we don’t know anyone (putting us further away from family and friends than ever before), and me being pregnant with our first child.  And it’s taking its toll…at one of my last doctor’s appointments, I cried uncontrollably the entire time, just because I felt so overwhelmed with all the changes (especially the pregnancy) and had no support outside of my husband, who needed his own.  The nurse handled it ok, but the doctor asked if I wanted antidepressants.  No!  I just want a friend!  Why did I have to get pregnant AFTER we left all our friends?

So, I decided to take a break from my pity party to do some actual reflection.  I came across two songs that said it all (don’t you love when that happens?).  The first is Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves, which draws a great parallel between how I’ve been feeling and how the Israelites felt when they were going through the desert in their escape from Egypt.

The other song is If You Want Me To by Ginny Owens.  I’ve stopped feeling sorry for myself and accepted that God knows things that I have no way of understanding.  There’s a reason for everything.

I also remembered that I went through a similar phase when I moved to our previous state.  I left everything I knew and was in a place where I didn’t know anyone.  I spent 2 or 3 years openly expressing how much I didn’t like it there and my home state was so much better.  But eventually, I found a purpose, along with many great friends, and now I really miss that place.  God was faithful, and He will be again now and forever.

Isaiah 49:1-13

Heeeeey…and we’re back from commercial break!  Sorry for that moment…er…month…of silence.  The thing is, I really only had one thing to talk about, but I couldn’t share anything yet.  What is this big news?

I’M PREGNANT!!! 🙂

Yep, that’s right.  By October, we’re expecting a little bundle of Spanish-American joy. 🙂  Obviously, going through first trimester gloriousness, all I’ve had to talk about is feeling sick, tired, or cravings.  Not the greatest blog material, but I think from here on out we’ll be alright.  Although, I have found some of my cravings amusing, especially when they come on so randomly.  Like the time I woke up and said, “Pancakes!”  That’s all I wanted.  Right away.  Yikes…

And for those of you who might be wondering, no, we weren’t exactly trying.  It actually went something like this, “Wow, things are going really well.  Yeah, maybe in a few months we could…oh, are those two pink lines?  Nevermind!” 🙂  We are SUPER excited, and my husband has already started looking for baby-sized futbol (soccer) jerseys.  My brother texts me about once a week, wondering if we know whether it’s a boy or a girl yet.  And I’m pretty sure none of our parents have stopped grinning since our announcement. 🙂

And here’s baby’s first picture, at 9 weeks:

It's kinda fuzzy, but you can see the head, torso, and a little hand! Baby was a little wiggly, so it was hard to get a clearer pic.

So, other than that, I’m still housewifing, although I have begun a job search, mainly focusing on at-home opportunities.  The flexibility seems to fit well with our current “long term goals.” 😉  I had to take an “assessment” to find out whether I can…I don’t know…follow directions?  We’ll see how it goes, I haven’t gotten the results back yet. 

As for what I’m not doing: jury duty!  I got a letter from my old city, summoning me to yonder East Coast.  But one phone call and an email with a scanned copy of my new driver’s license later, I was excused.  Apparently, they’re not up for reimbursing 10-hour road trips or authorizing Skype in their courtrooms…yet.  The sad thing is, I am one of like 10 other people in the U.S. who would actually enjoy reporting for jury duty!  Call me a nerd, but I think it would be interesting.  So, there’s a bit of pre-Friday irony for you to savor: me, of all people, getting out of jury duty, no hassle! 🙂  Sorry for those of you who will be dragging your feet to the courthouses.  Maybe some day I’ll get to. 🙂

Today is my first day being a true stay-at-home housewife.  Even though I left my last job in November to move to another state, I am only just beginning to count my days of housewifing today because this is my first day home alone. <Feel free to insert the Macaulay Culkin scream here…you know you want to>  My husband started his new job today, which leaves me in the house with our dogs, what’s left of the moving boxes, and the laundry.

It has been an interesting day – this is the first time since I-can’t-remember-when that I’ve been without a job or school schedule to keep me on task.  Not having an automatic structure in place, I spent the better part of my morning nursing a cup of coffee and browsing the internet.  I started with the essentials, of course (Facebook, Twitter, headlines of msn.com), then moved on to re-formatting my blog, and wrapped up with glancing through Google’s top results for event planners in my new city.  After a look at the clock (the entire morning had escaped me), I tackled some boxes; unfortunately, it was all the little bathroom things that need organizing, so there was a lot of work with little visible progress.  Very frustrating.  Thankfully, I have a very understanding husband, and after I vented my own disappointment of my lack of productivity, he simply said “It’s ok.”  🙂  I love him! 

I think keeping lists will be the biggest help for me.  I used to have a notebook designated for all my to-do items at work.  I think I’ll do the same for all my home projects.  That way, I can take a look at what needs to be done at the beginning of my day and assess my progress in the evening.  I’m a very list-oriented person – I find them very motivating. 🙂  Well, that about sums up my first day of “housewifing.” 

In other news, my husband had a WONDERFUL first day of work!  Yay! 🙂