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I don’t know if anyone else ever goes through that period of “What the hell am I doing here?!” right after they make or experience major change…but that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.  To sum it up, the past 14 months have lead to job changes for both me and Hubby, the sale of our house, a move to another state where we don’t know anyone (putting us further away from family and friends than ever before), and me being pregnant with our first child.  And it’s taking its toll…at one of my last doctor’s appointments, I cried uncontrollably the entire time, just because I felt so overwhelmed with all the changes (especially the pregnancy) and had no support outside of my husband, who needed his own.  The nurse handled it ok, but the doctor asked if I wanted antidepressants.  No!  I just want a friend!  Why did I have to get pregnant AFTER we left all our friends?

So, I decided to take a break from my pity party to do some actual reflection.  I came across two songs that said it all (don’t you love when that happens?).  The first is Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves, which draws a great parallel between how I’ve been feeling and how the Israelites felt when they were going through the desert in their escape from Egypt.

The other song is If You Want Me To by Ginny Owens.  I’ve stopped feeling sorry for myself and accepted that God knows things that I have no way of understanding.  There’s a reason for everything.

I also remembered that I went through a similar phase when I moved to our previous state.  I left everything I knew and was in a place where I didn’t know anyone.  I spent 2 or 3 years openly expressing how much I didn’t like it there and my home state was so much better.  But eventually, I found a purpose, along with many great friends, and now I really miss that place.  God was faithful, and He will be again now and forever.

Isaiah 49:1-13

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I came up with this little ditty after my first incident with someone making a comment about how much bigger I’m looking now that I’m pregnant.

Dear God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to not slap people who feel they have the right to openly comment on my pregnant physical appearance.  Amen.

And for the record, it is never ok to refer to another woman’s stomach as a “pooch” – whether or not she’s pregnant!  Just thought I’d throw that one out there, since it’s apparently not common knowledge.  Geez, people…

As much as I wish I was talking about these beautiful flowers, I’m not. I’m actually referring to my to-do list…

I suppose it would help if I could keep the days of the week straight.  I don’t know if it’s pregnancy-brain or just working-from-home-fog, but today (Wednesday) is the first day this week that I have remembered correctly.  (Wednesday)  And that’s only because I keep reminding myself!  (Wednesday)

It started on Monday, which you’d think I’d recognize, since it comes right after Sunday, which was Easter, and we went to church and there was an awesome special service, AND it’s the first day after the weekend that Hubby goes to work.  I mean, hello?

Well, our small group meets on Monday nights.  So, Hubby came home from work, and after dinner we sat on the couch, where Hubby took a quick nap and I watched TV.  At about 6:55 pm (our group meets at 7:00 pm), he woke up and mumbled “Hey, what time are we leaving?”

I actually cocked my head to one side and squinted (because that always helps me think more clearly) and mouthed the word “leaving…” before I jumped up exclaiming, “Oh crap, it’s Monday!”  Hubby had a good laugh and said, “Well, what day did you think it was?”  I really didn’t have a  good explanation for that one, except that in whatever time zone my brain was in, it wasn’t going to be Monday until tomorrow, somehow…  Yikes!

So then, the next day, I still couldn’t get it together.  I got the mail from the mailbox and put in a book that I needed to send out for my online book swapping club (Paperbackswap.com – it’s awesome.  You should check it out.  Tell them I sent you. :)).  When Hubby got home, I asked him, “Did you check the mail?”  He gave me a funny look and said, “Um, no…the flag’s up.  Doesn’t that mean you put something out there already?”

And somehow my brain had migrated back to La-la-land Time Zone, because my response was as follows: “Oh, I wasn’t sure if I had picked up the mail from yesterday, but that wouldn’t make sense, because yesterday was Sunday!”  Oh.  Wow.  Really?  Hubby used that tone of voice that’s saved for people who wake up with amnesia, “No…honey…today…is…Tuesday…”

I was SO embarrassed!  But!  I DO know that today is Wednesday!  So I’m giving myself a point for that one.  Mostly I keep reminding myself (Wednesday) because last week I forgot what day Thursday was, which happens to be garbage day, which turned out to be the smelliest mistake I think I’ve ever made. 😦  Eww…

So, since today is Wednesday, that means I can put that stinky bin out at the curb (and AWAY from the house) as early as this afternoon, since the garbage heros come at the crack of dawn tomorrow.  Which is Thursday.  See?  I’m getting the hang of this! 🙂 

*Update:  After the garbage truck came and took away the stinky garbage, Hubby came home and hosed out the bin with soapy bleach water.  He’s my Superman. 🙂 

So, there’s this blog called The Daybook that does a feature called “Awkward and Awesome Thursdays.”  Several other people have joined in the fun, and I find their posts quite entertaining!  I’m gonna give it a shot, but I’m just going to sum up the month of April so far (events will be listed in the order I remember them, not chronologically…let’s not put too much pressure on a brain that I have to share with a growing baby).  For the record, today is Thursday. 🙂

Awkward

– Filing taxes on your own, well technically with the Hubby, during the tax year when all the experts are saying this was the most confusing year for tax laws.  (For the record, interpreting your real estate documents to figure out what you owe on your tax credit will probably make you want to shoot someone/something.  Just sayin’…)

– Sweating in April.  Southerners call 82 degrees “a nice Spring day,” but the land I hail from just got 3 inches of snow, and despite complaints of annoyance, nobody there thought that was strange.  So yes, sweating in April is awkward for me.

– Planning a trip to visit said home state in a few weeks and realizing that most of the clothes that fit my growing frame are summer clothes…hmm…

– Even though I am the one that is pregnant, due to circumstances beyond our control (like tendonitis and allergies), Hubby has had more doctors appointments than I have! 

– Not being able to open any windows because of Hubby’s allergies to all things Nature.

– Feeling pregnant without looking very pregnant.  I can’t keep more than one thought straight in my head, and I get tired a heck of a lot quicker than I used to, but unless I pointed out the ultrasound picture on our refrigerator, you’d probably just think I had too much to eat for lunch.  Which I probably did.  But whatever…

– Trying to compensate my forgetful, pregnancy-hormone-filled brain by putting reminders in the calendar on my phone…but forgetting to set the alarms so that I would actually be reminded…doh!

– Having the neighbor who never speaks to anyone shouting and banging on your door at 7:00 a.m. to ask you for a jump or jumper cables because she left her headlights on all night and her battery died.

– Continuing to be ignored by the neighbor whose car you jumped at 7:00 a.m.

– The overflowing baskets of clean laundry that I have yet to fold.  No really, that’s clean…it’s just…a little wrinkley…  I am so in trouble when this baby comes…

Awesome

– Despite the frustrations with taxes themselves, TurboTax is pretty awesome.  I would recommend them.

– Being surprised by Hubby with a trip to home state to visit my family.  I heart him!  A lot! 😉

– Getting a part-time, at-home job that allows me freedom to run errands, clean house and cook dinner during the day, leaving my evenings free to hang out with Hubby.

– Making new friends through our new small group from church.  We all seem to like each other, which is awesome.

– Having a neighbor (different than the awkward one) who refers to me as “Little Mama” and habitually brings us desserts. 🙂  Miss Pruney is awesome.

– My new-found LOVE for raw fruits and veggies.  So far, this baby has pretty good taste in cravings (no pun intended).

– Getting ready to plant a veggie garden next week! 🙂

– Getting our second dog spayed, which means I will only have to change one little being’s diapers from now on, and it will be a human being.  (Seriously, dogs in heat are awk. ward.)

– Exercising my dogs by blowing bubbles for them in the backyard.  They do all the running, I do all the laughing.  Totally.  Awesome. 🙂

– Looking forward to the 5 year anniversary with Hubby.  Again, I heart him.  He’s my best friend, my hero, and my dearest love.  And he’s planning a big surprise for that day.  Surprises are awesome. 🙂

– Also looking forward to finding out whether this baby is gonna be a boy or a girl.  No, I don’t have any instinct about it.  I just want him/her to be healthy!  Again, surprises are awesome. 🙂

There you have it – my awkward and awesome life so far this month!  Good stuff. 🙂

Don’t forget, this post is brought to you by The Daybook.

So, it’s been some of those days…  Not just one of those days, but two, actually.  Yesterday, I had my first ultrasound appointment, so Hubby came with me to see the baby.  This should be a happy day, right?

I picked him up from work, and he was already having a rough day.  He was a little grumpy about having to leave work early and said he’d have to go back in the evening to finish some things up.  My hormones took the opportunity to take personal offense at the situation, which was a great start.

We got about 5 minutes down the freeway when we realized that I forgot to grab the CD and DVD that we wanted to bring with, just in case they’d burn us some extra pictures and/or a video of the ultrasound!  Dangit.  So, we checked the GPS for the nearest office supply store.  There was one 2.3 miles from where we were, sort of still on the way to the hospital.  But it turned out to be all back roads and school zones.  Great.  It would’ve been faster to turn around and go home.

At the store, Hubby ran in and got a DVD, and we got back on the road.  By this time, we were seriously pushing the 20 minute window of grace for the appointment.  Hubby dropped me off at the door of the hospital, and I booked it up to the 9th floor to check in – 17 minutes late (but still within the 20 minute window!).  We were then told that they had to do a “procedure” and all the ultrasound rooms were full, so we had to wait 30 minutes.  Also, they won’t burn a CD or DVD for patient privacy reasons.  Super.  I cried a little, or maybe the hormones did.

We got to see our baby on the ultrasound screen, which was really great.  S/he loves the camera!  As soon as that thing touched my stomach, it was showtime – commence wiggling, head-bobbing, kicking, and showing off your good side, baby!  I think the ultrasound technician said “That’s a NICE shot!” about 3 times. 🙂  At least that went well.  And my nurse said everything looks great, so that was good to hear.

But then tried to leave.  We got to elevators when Hubby realized he forgot where he parked the car (he was running to meet me in the waiting room, after all).  We searched 3 or 4 levels of the parking garage before we finally found it.  By this time, we were obviously on cloud 9 and thoroughly enjoying each other’s company.  (Please tell me you’re picking up on the sarcasm here.) 

We got back on the freeway, and then Hubby couldn’t find his sunglasses (and by sunglasses, I mean freaking-expensive sunglasses).  So we had another breakdown.  I tried to call the doctor’s office to see if anyone found them there, but they had closed by then.  Awesome!  By the grace of God, we actually found them, slipped into the crack of the seat, where the bottom meets the back (so at least I wasn’t sitting directly on them).  It was like a silver speck in our cloud.

At home, I managed to make homemade pizzas for dinner without breaking or burning down anything (I was pretty impressed with myself).  AND the pizzas came out of the oven right when Hubby walked in the door.  Although I forgot to add diced tomatoes to the toppings, we decided we’d live without them and settled down to an evening of watching American Pickers before hitting the hay early.

This morning, I woke up early to throw a few pieces of laundry in the dryer because I was pretty sure Hubby was out of socks.  I gave myself points for starting the day off with a solution instead of a problem (how self-help of me, right?).  Then I thought, hey, as long as I’m up, I might as well make Hubby some breakfast.

But the road to 2 cups of spilled oatmeal on the floor and sauteed burned apples was paved with good intentions.  Also, Hubby didn’t need the socks – he had one clean pair left.  Thankfully, he gave me a huge hug before I had the chance to cry about anything, thanked me for everything and told me he loves me.  He also ate the oatmeal that made it into the pot and got cooked, along with the apples, and declared it was the best breakfast he’d had in a long time.  I don’t know if it was totally true, but it made me feel a whole lot better.

I’m still apprehensive about leaving the house today.  I think I’ll just stay right here on my couch.  The garbage truck came, so our bin needs to be pulled back up to the house, but I think it can wait until Hubby gets home from work.  And I’m thinking leftover pizza for dinner.  Just in case.

Heeeeey…and we’re back from commercial break!  Sorry for that moment…er…month…of silence.  The thing is, I really only had one thing to talk about, but I couldn’t share anything yet.  What is this big news?

I’M PREGNANT!!! 🙂

Yep, that’s right.  By October, we’re expecting a little bundle of Spanish-American joy. 🙂  Obviously, going through first trimester gloriousness, all I’ve had to talk about is feeling sick, tired, or cravings.  Not the greatest blog material, but I think from here on out we’ll be alright.  Although, I have found some of my cravings amusing, especially when they come on so randomly.  Like the time I woke up and said, “Pancakes!”  That’s all I wanted.  Right away.  Yikes…

And for those of you who might be wondering, no, we weren’t exactly trying.  It actually went something like this, “Wow, things are going really well.  Yeah, maybe in a few months we could…oh, are those two pink lines?  Nevermind!” 🙂  We are SUPER excited, and my husband has already started looking for baby-sized futbol (soccer) jerseys.  My brother texts me about once a week, wondering if we know whether it’s a boy or a girl yet.  And I’m pretty sure none of our parents have stopped grinning since our announcement. 🙂

And here’s baby’s first picture, at 9 weeks:

It's kinda fuzzy, but you can see the head, torso, and a little hand! Baby was a little wiggly, so it was hard to get a clearer pic.

So, other than that, I’m still housewifing, although I have begun a job search, mainly focusing on at-home opportunities.  The flexibility seems to fit well with our current “long term goals.” 😉  I had to take an “assessment” to find out whether I can…I don’t know…follow directions?  We’ll see how it goes, I haven’t gotten the results back yet. 

As for what I’m not doing: jury duty!  I got a letter from my old city, summoning me to yonder East Coast.  But one phone call and an email with a scanned copy of my new driver’s license later, I was excused.  Apparently, they’re not up for reimbursing 10-hour road trips or authorizing Skype in their courtrooms…yet.  The sad thing is, I am one of like 10 other people in the U.S. who would actually enjoy reporting for jury duty!  Call me a nerd, but I think it would be interesting.  So, there’s a bit of pre-Friday irony for you to savor: me, of all people, getting out of jury duty, no hassle! 🙂  Sorry for those of you who will be dragging your feet to the courthouses.  Maybe some day I’ll get to. 🙂